Blind Kiwi Hoover Makes Chili…

Mi amigo, guitarist and soul singer Blind Kiwi Hoover, who maintains his own down to earth blog right here, decided to take my chili recipe — which is a Manhattan Chili Co. recipe, Texas Chain Gang Chili, only doctored up a little — and then he doctored it up some more.


Here’s Blind Kiwi Hoover before he made the chili, probably listening to some obscure ’60s rock tunes emanating from his computer:

Here’s Kiwi’s recipe, as given to him by his old, sweet Aunt Nasty, and quoted here in his own down-South words IN GREEN:

Texas Chain SAW Chili:

(from Aunt NASTY)

This is NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART.

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

1/4 cup olive oil or rendered bacon fat CUT THE FAT KEEP THE EEOO

2 large yellow onions ONE ONION GOES A LONG WAY

8 medium cloves garlic minced (I like garlic, so I used large cloves)I DON’T LIKE GARLIC MS. RAY

4 jalapenos stemmed and minced SIX FULL JALAPENOS WITH SEEDS

2 RED PEPPERS FOR TEXTURE (LESS ONE ONION)

2 HOT PEPPERS FOR TASTE (Uncle Wimply left these out)

1.5 lbs ground beef YEAH, OK, DEAD COW GROUNDED UP

1.5 lbs beef chuck, cut in 1/2″ cubes SOAK OVERNIGHT IN BEER

2 tsp salt (I use 2.5)WHO MEASURES?

5 Tbsp chili powder (or fresh/dried ancho chili pods) (Ancho chili pods are NOT in the original recipe.  I used 6 tbsp of chili powder.  I like chili powder.)FISTFULL ON THE MEAT, FISTFULL IN THE POT, FISTFULL IN THE BOWL

2 Tbsp cumin I AIN’T CUM’N IN MY CHILI

2 Tbsp oregano IT SMELLS GOOD SO THROW A BUNCH IN

2 tsp Cayenne pepper to taste.  (Aunt Diane left this out.  CRAZY!  By the way, after refrigeration, a lot of the heat disappears.  PUT IN THE CAYENNE!)

SHOVEL IT IN. APPLY TO MEAT BEFORE COOKING, DUMP IN THE MIX AS IT COOKS. THERE IS NEVER ENOUGH. ALSO ADD WHITE PEPPER AND PEPPER CORNS.

1 28oz can crushed tomatoes drained and well-crushed NEXT TIME I MAY TRY FRESH TOMATOES. JUST DUMP THEM IN.

4 cups beef stock  (Aunt Diane changed it to 3 cups.)FORGET THE WHIMPY STOCK – ADD DARK BEER. AND WHAT AUNT DIANE DOESN’T DRINK, KEEP POURING IN EVERY MINUTES

2 16oz cans dark red kidney beans rinsed and drained.  (I consider beans OPTIONAL, although they are included in the original recipe.  Authentic chili doesn’t have beans.)BEANS ARE GOOD FOR YOUR HEART, THE MORE YOU EAT…

 *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

* Sauté onions, garlic, jalapenos.

* Cook beef separately and drain.YOU WANT FAT? COMBINE AND BRING TO A SIZZLE. DON’T OVERDO, IT WILL HAVE HOURS TO GO

* Combine spices, garlic, meat.  Cook 5 min. JUST THROW IN SOME HOT SAUCE

* Add tomatoes and stock BEER and bring to boil.

* Slow cook for a couple hours.  (Stir occasionally.)ADD A BOTTLE OF BEER EVERY 30 MIUTES.

* Add beans about five minutes before finished.  (Naaaaah.)UNCOOKED BEANS, ADD WITH THE MEAT. COOKED BEANS EAT OUT OF THE CAN.

* LADLE INTO A LARGE BOWL, TEAR OFF A CHUNK OF CRUSTY BREAD, TOP WITH HOT SAUCE, WHITE PEPPER, RED PEPPER FLAKES, AND A DOLUP OF SOUR CREAM.OPEN ANOTHER BEER AND GRAB A BIG SPOON. DIG IN!

(IF THE TOP OF YOUR HEAD IS NOT SWEATING WHEN YOU FINISH A BOWL, YOU DID IT WRONG)

i think it was a little watery (beery) so the next time I will allow some of the liquid to cook off. it was good for 5 days.

And here’s Blind Kiwi Hoover after his chili:

Enjoy the rocket fuel!